ah yeah. gettin changed ya'll.

i ran into a couple old lancaster/philly acquaintances the other day at the coffee shop where i work. there were also a couple other philly people in town that same night but i ended up not going to their show unfortunately (i'm a dumbass). it was such an odd coincidence that i haven't been able to shake this feeling of unease about the whole thing. i can't really put my finger on why it was all so unsettling to me, but i think i kinda know. haven't been up that way in a good little while and haven't really reached out to anyone that i knew from back then. made me think about burning bridges and how much that sucks for everyone involved. i don't like doing that to people. i got kinda good at it but the negative aspects of it have been catching up to me recently; moving to a new town and being so focused on myself has been really good for me in a lot of ways. however, so much introspection has had me facing up to a lot of feelings i set aside for the sake of my own heart/head. i'm kinda glad these things have been catching up to me because i really need to face them and think about them...move past a lot of it. i've had plenty of time to ponder about what i really need/want, and the way that i treat people and how i treat myself. i wish i had had this head on my shoulders back then because i think i could have avoided a lot of mistakes, but in a way i'm super glad i didn't! because i learned a lot and i've grown a lot since then. i don't think i'd be the same person that i am now. don't get me wrong...i almost let some shit break me. i think i lost a lot of my sense of "people are basically good". i'm warier now; it's harder to let people in. i feel closed off a lot of the time, and i have zero patience for bullshit friendships or relationships with people that don't actually care about me. i'm super awesome, and i know it. i think the fact that i know that makes me less approachable. i'm pretty insecure about a lot of shit but what makes me smarter than i used to be is now i know that EVERYONE is insecure. i guess the point i'm getting at is that, out of all the coffee shops/breakfast spots in richmond these philly dudes couldve gone to that day, they chose the shop where i work in outoftheway churchill. and i happened to be running upstairs during my baking shift to grab eggs and butter right as they were coming in. otherwise, we would have missed each other entirely. its hokey, i know, but that is some fucking strange shit that made me think really hard about how tiny our planet is, and how i can't think i can avoid someone forever. and when i finally see this person again, i can't be afraid to say, "hello, it's so good to see you," without throwing up all over myself.
i wish my scanner worked. i guess i could go to the fine arts building but my key card isn't activated yet plus i don't really feel like i belong in there. hopefully that will change. i'm pretty stoked on how the cassette cover turned out, but i know i can do better. can't wait to see what i can start churning out. can't wait to be done being afraid to make anything.